so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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