im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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