Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
