I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
there is glitter all over my balls
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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