Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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