good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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