life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
