I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
