I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
