Your dad touched me again.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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