i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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