OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
