So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
