Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
