i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
