i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
