i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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