I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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