Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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