I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
