I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Quick, to the slutcave!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My liver just had a heart attack.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
