is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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