Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
