I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
