True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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