Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's always time for handjobs
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
