He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
