meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize