My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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