no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
