I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
