If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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