"it" just moved
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
