I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
