Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
