So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
