remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
