Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
