Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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