I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
