i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
