We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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