btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
