If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
a search helicopter?!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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