I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
