Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
