If i come over, it means nothing
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
