apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am midnight drunk by noon
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
