Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize