I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
