Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
