I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
