That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
