Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
