SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
