He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
