we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize