Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
