Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
