Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
