no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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