I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
