Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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