Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
