I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
